On this page, you will find samples of some of my poetry. Please consider buying my chapbook from the "Help Funding" page to read more!
Anything Else
Passive suicidal ideation
Is like cleaning the attic
You can have every intention of getting around to it
And you’ve been thinking about doing it for ten years
And it’s nice to know you always have that option on a rainy day
But once you get up there
And start moving boxes around
You suddenly realize that you would rather be doing
Literally anything else
A Love Poem
I found myself tonight
Crying into your chest
Silently
So you wouldn't wake up
I didn't want to wake you
I found myself tonight
Thinking of the worst feelings
That I've experienced
The last Christmas with my grandma
Seeing how truly old and sick she was
My mom crying as she held me
That night I gave her my blades
Silently
So I wouldn't hear her
But I did
Stranded in Chicago with no phone
Not being able to sleep in a strange city
So alone and hurting
Walking to Walmart at three a.m.
Buying makeup and feeling ashamed
Sitting in my car at three a.m. in a familiar city
On lunch when I worked thirds
Crying in the light of the streetlamps
Alone
I found myself tonight
Hurting again
Wanting to wake you
But then you grabbed my hand in your sleep
Suddenly I realized
I'll never be that alone again
If I'm hurting, you can heal me
I found myself tonight
Staring at your face and memorizing it
Every crease
Every hair
Every crack on your lips
I found myself tonight in love
And the past stopped hurting
If only for tonight
Grief
I left coffee grounds
On the porch for you
I hope you like them
Counting the Years
In the summer of 2007
I started to count things
One, two, three, four, five
And I haven't stopped since
My life was out of control
And this I could control
I became obsessed with control
And I haven't stopped since
In 2008, my classmates would laugh at me
Because I spun around on the landing between the two staircases
I was afraid that if I turned around
I would be further from center
And I'd never be able to get back again
Spinning around counter-acted the spinning of the staircase
In 2009, I started cutting my arm
One, two, three, four, five
It would be years before I stopped
In 2010, if I touched something with my left hand
I had to touch it with my right
Because if I got out of balance
My world would fall in
In 2011, I slipped into a pond during science class
The school nurse sat with me outside as I cried while waiting for my mom
When I got home, I took a shower so long and hot
I had burns over all of my body
In 2012, the control and balance
I had obsessed with for so long
Were slipping away like marbles from an open hand
One, two, three, four, five
So I opened my skin to let it breathe
The blade in my hand all the control I needed
In 2013, I bought my first pack of cigarettes
And I haven't stopped since
My future in my own hands, I'd burn them
One, two, three, four, five
And things started to look up
In 2014, I traded in five for twenty five
Because it was a perfect, square number
And after 25 shots of 1800
I opened both my wrists 25 times and tried to sleep, counting sheep
One, two, three, four, five
But the bleeding did stop
In 2015, I finally stopped
On a day burned in my soul
The ninth of July
I stopped counting my steps
As long as I ended with my right foot
Before changing surfaces
I knew my mom would be okay
In 2016, I added a friend to my camels
In cherry and green apple skins, I smoked them
One, two, three, four, five
But my skin stayed together
In 2017, I wanted everything to stop
And it did
The clock stopped ticking
The future stopped appearing
The bowls stopped smoking
And I'd count the tears as they fell on my pillows
One, two, three, four, five